Mathematically, connectedness is easy to achieve in a topological space. A graph is said to be connected if each pair of vertices share a path. In human terms, however, our life paths are far removed from each other. Even if we meet up at certain points, few of us would say we truly “connect” with many people.

It seems that I’m spending too much time on networking sites, pretending it’s possible to go back in time. It’s addictive: seeking out posts, comments, feedback, sending out feelers, acting like it’s possible to circle the wagons again. The great lie, as I see it, is in pretending that everything old can be new again.  All the good old times? They’re all there! While any regrets, guilt, past harms, fears and idiocy are erased by the appearance of an acquaintance’s avatar on my profile.  If whatsisname agrees to be my virtual friend, then I couldn’t have done anything tooooo bad in my darker days. Right?

As soon as I type the facebook web address into my browser, I am at once in elementary school, junior high, high school, college, grad school, and every one of the (ahem) bakers’ dozen years since. I am every person I have been. For a few minutes, I can pretend that it’s possible to throw a party with past, present and future friends. And be witty, charming, and desirable to them all.

Mathematically, it’s a simple truth to assign the term connectedness to two objects. In Wyoming, I find it difficult to meet anyone worth having lunch with. Refreshing my web page won’t help me through the reality of being very much alone in my outspoken, flighty atheism in a hardworking, Christian ranching community. My paths cross with several people every day. I connect with no one.

But what do I know? The last math class I took was calc in high school. My checkbook isn’t exactly a paragon of mathematical precision. And heaven knows, I use a machine to perform every basic numerical function that isn’t the nine times table. (For that, I still use my hands.)  Maybe even math is harder than it seems. Maybe it’s hard to connect in any form.