Before leaving the house for the 7:20 showing of The Happening, the man and I agreed that this was M. Night Shyamalan’s very last chance to separate us from our hard earned money. To date, I’ve coughed up for theatrical showings of The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, Signs and Lady in the Water (The Village was a Netflix). And every single time since the first time, I’ve been disappointed. Not to mention, I actually sat through two hours of Mel Gibson in that lameo crop circle flick (pre-DUI bust, post-Braveheart), which was an inexcusably bad call to begin with.
So why do I keep forking over my greenbacks? I’m no better than a lab rat, tapping at that lever, trying to trigger my pleasure receptor, over and over. Except a rat would probably have learned by now. If it’s pleasure I’m looking for, my ten bucks is better spent on bing cherries. Especially in-season. A mere half-pound of cherries has been scientifically proven to emote better than Zooey Deschanel.
And yet, we showered on a Sunday night and drove 25 miles to the theater. Granted, the first-run options in our town are always limited, and currently include the please-kill-me-first Kung Fu Panda. Granted, too, we’d just painted the upstairs loft and the choice of “go to a movie” or “inhale toxic fumes for another few hours” wasn’t a tough one. Knowing what I know now, though, I’d rather inhale the blackberry eggshell. Hell, I’d rather spoon it onto my steak.
No, M. Night Shyamalan hasn’t learned to pen witty dialogue. Nor has he figured out how to pace a feature film, or to maintain dramatic tension, or to defy expectations. The only thing it seems he does well is cast non-white actors in minor roles. He fills his frames with people who are actually representative of the American public. For that, I applaud him.
For everything else, the man would be well-served by perusing William Goldman, now and again. Even auteurs owe their audience a modicum of craft. It’s the backbone of entertainment.
We went to the premiere Tuesday after work, which meant we didn’t have to pay. Which was the only pleasant thing that happened that night.
I seriously believe the studio, after the Lady In The Water debacle, cut his production budget to nothing so they had to have trees, grass, and wind be the villains. No CGI dragon like in Lord of the Rings to fight. Just a big fan to run from. Unless it was supposed to be ’so stupid it’s funny’. If so, well done.
I too suffered through the wretched mess that is The Happening. I contemplated writing a similar review, but I reconciled that I had given it too much mind space as it was. I counted three boom mics in frame (seriously, how can this happen?), lost track of how many times the audience laughed at Marky Mark’s lines when that clearly wasn’t the intent, and actually felt sorry for Betty Buckley for every moment she spent on screen. Let’s hope M. Night doesn’t attempt to find out if eight is enough. For the record, I thought Unbreakable was amazing (but that’s coming from the comic geek in me).
Ugh… that movie was a real shit-sandwich. I couldn’t figure out whether it was supposed to be a comedy or not. I laughed my ass off at certain times, but mostly at how bad it was. The guy killing himself with the lawnmower, the lion’s den. What an abominable piece of poo. The couple sitting behind us laughed a lot as well, but I gather everyone else in the theater was bitter they had spent $8 (matinee), confused by why the hell the wind & trees were the attackers, or both. Definitely the last M Night movie I will see, but I don’t think that will be a problem since the studios will drop him on his ass after this one.
I have been debating going to see The Happening as well. I did like the Sixth Sense, but The Village felt like an overdone Twilight Zone. I read that this was supposed to be a B movie, but the best B movie ever made. I will stick with the Hammer films version of the Wolfman.
I do want to give Prince Caspian a try.